Defeated
Whenever I attempt to cut myself off caffeine my body reacts violently, first I crash followed by epic nausea, dizziness and neurological pain that borders on the obscene. All the progress I made in my personal crusade was undone in a few days of intense pain and discomfort.
The effects of the caffeine aren’t even what bothers me, it kills me when I’m dependant on something that isn’t essential. It bothers me that I have an addiction that I cannot control. I can turn off pain, shrug off physical and emotional injury… but I can’t even quit drinking soda for a few days without a nervous breakdown. It just… makes me feel pathetic after every attempt.
With the sheer amount of other stuff going on in my life I simply can’t afford to waste time and attention on something that is essentially ego. It leaves me feeling defeated and more then a little humbled. I’ve had success in cutting down but the second I have a stressful day or a role playing night it’s back to the bottle for me. (Especially when I’m the DM)
The caffine-less induced super-sleep I fell into did induce a very interesting dream which I will cover below.
Instead of telling yourself that ‘that’s it’ today is the day I quit this or that, try just saying that today you’re going to try something different; that it doesn’t have to be caffeine, all the time. Don’t cut- reduce, and not dramatically.
(sorry for the lecturing tone I might have ended writing with.)