Purge

Years and years ago when my young life was spinning out of control I focused myself on a path of internal advancement. I put my every thought and effort into understanding myself and improving on that.

I’ve spoken about it before because I feel it’s important to return to that mode of thinking. It’s still important because for all the progress I’ve made in fixing my life I still feel largely empty. I gave up my spiritual path for someone who didn’t deserve that kind of effort, I filled the hole in my soul with love, physical pleasure, video games, caffine and all kinds of distractions.

By themselves those aren’t bad things, but when your using them to distract yourself from your feelings then it becomes a different matter indeed. I do want more then anything to have someone I can love and talk to without condition or restraint. I want to play video games without it becoming an obsession or an unhealthy distraction… and I certainly want to do the things I enjoy without them becoming unhealthy.

My only answer was to purge. I stopped drinking Caffine, I rejected relationships that were nothing but games or illusionary gratification, I stopped playing WoW and I did an overhaul of the little things in my life. Everything I didn’t need was given or thrown away. A few things went to storage. I’m not talking just clothes, but games, books, trinkets and anything else you could think of. I took everything that reminded me of the life I lost and gave it away.

I didn’t stop at my possessions. Every relationship from the casual acquaintance to ex-lover was either rejected or kept. I don’t want unhealthy relationships in my life anymore. I went down my email list, then my messangers. By the end of the week I will have purged all of them from my life completely. I purged everything that could obstruct my new life and I’m not done yet… there is still alot left to do.

While I finish purging I’ve put my new free time to good use. I’m working out for a Marathon (which is in September) and I’ve started to give my time to charity again. I can’t persue a spiritual path right now because my life is in confusion and my body is still unhealthy. But I have complete faith that I can go back to the path I left before.