Quote of the Week: Week Two

They say one should not speak unkindly of the dead, so I say ‘Nice Try’.

~ Lezard Valeth, Valkyrie Profile.

Quote of the Week: Week One

A Faith that does not doubt is a dead faith.

-Miguel De Unamuno

Wu Wei

I oftentimes have trouble looking back at my own moments of darkness… or into the depression of others; when I’m not depressed I find the world to have an almost blinding level of joy, activity and excitement. Too many things to do, think, write, taste, smell, feel, sense… it’s profound how much there is in life.

Taoists have for centuries sought out “wu wei” or non-action. Buddhists have sought Zen; that clarity of the moment when everything slide into place. Even the modern new ager has derived new words like “intention” to describe the fundamental moment when we are aware of the fullness of life in one moment.

How many moments do we get like that in a life? How many times before we die can experience a moment of true fulfillment… true happiness? I know I since my first moment of Wu Wei; i have sought it in everything I have done. When I am in battle against a worthy enemy: an enemy of honor and understanding… I can find Wu Wei. I know that when I am with a pure and loving women: I can find Wu Wei. I know searching the depths of my soul with meditation or cleansing my body with Tai Chi I can find Wu Wei.

It is not permanent lasting perfection, that simply isn’t possible. It’s a taste of perfection. When the ring of the spatula is musical and the sizzle of the fire hackles above it. Everything is automatic and yet intentional. There is no thinking, and yet the mind is strangely excited. I have had hundreds of these moments in my life; some I have sought and others have been happenstance… but all showed me something profound about life.

Then one day I had a moment of Clarity, a second of Zen, a taste of Wu Wei that wasn’t connected to any feat of skill or technique… you see I was driving home from a frustrating night of work. It was late and very dark. But the moonlight shined beneath thick black clouds. I saw my exit on 1-15; same as I did every night. And instead of turning like I always did… I realized that I could drive it forever. All the way to Mexico if I wanted, I was free to decide everything in my life.

It was a perfect metaphor; Life as a road. But the cliche was washed out by insight. The road branched, the road turned, the road was crowded or empty. The entireity of all human thought on the matter crowded my brain as I sailed past my exit: Too much knowledge had already killed my moment of clarity. But I gleamed from it a secret; an important piece I had been missing.

What’s the secret? I’m not sure I would tell you if I could.

Check Baggage: Part One

I stopped for a minute this week to take stock my life; to look forward to the challenges immediately before me and those I’ve recently conquered.

I love my job; but I have difficult classes coming next month that I have to master my management skills for. Which conversely means less and less time to devote to my varied hobbies of gaming; my spiritual quest, school and finally my efforts to cut my emotional baggage free.

Trying to live; trying to push myself in all aspects… its so hard with this weight. The weight of heartbreak, failure, betrayal, sacrifice, doubt… it pushes me down like super gravity to the soul; I feel crushed and anchored to the world unable to rise  into the realm of the spiritual and creative.

The danger is the gravity crushes me… leaves me an empty black hole. I have to relieve it and face the sources of my pain.

Return

In my last post I mentioned I was going on a side quest; A trip off my chosen path.

That wasn’t the case. What I found was my path and it winds into a dark infinity I cannot yet see.

Once broken… my body and mind have healed considerably. My migraines are less and less frequent while my concentration has nearly completely returned. My abilities increase daily and the challenges I face mount up higher and higher… and yet I can’t help but smile and laugh. I can’t suppress the happiness I feel in having found the challenge of life again.

I haven’t written in a long time mostly because I have been busy with my work. I devoted myself to work completely for a variety of reasons… and now that I draw close to mastering it I find my free time coming back to me… and I hear the call to write: deep down in my soul.

Given a little time I will remodel this blog to reflect my new style and my rekindled beliefs. Sadly my CSS skill is pretty rusty and wasn’t really spectacular to start with. It will take some time to acquire the skill needed to make a site that suites me; not to mention how badly my writing skills have degraded.

Just like the internets to draw me back again…